Dear Anonymous

It’s quite interesting (but I guess not that surprising) for people that write editorial/opinion pieces, that the type of people who respond or comment to these pieces largely fall into two categories: 1. Those who love what and how you say what you do, and 2. Those who absolutely hate you and everything you stand for. There is no in between. I suppose that some of this has to do with the particular topic that you are tackling at the time, as relatively minor subjects often get no response at all.

Obviously I have no beef with those that agree wholeheartedly with me, as they are clearly rational and probably good humored individuals. ( I could, as a writer/scientist/debater, find something “wrong” with them, but why nitpick and burn my bridges. And, besides, they are absolutely right to agree with me.) Those, however, who vehemently oppose my stance and start their response with a phrase such as, “Oh my f@#$ing god…blah, blah, blah” or, “You’re a complete @$$hole…blah, blah, blah” are the one’s with whom I take offense…and even feel sorry for (wink, wink…nudge, nudge).

So, for all of you opinion hating responders (at least those who hate my opinions) out there, you should try following a few simple rules and perhaps what spills forth from that hole above your neck (“you” probably have more than one hole up there, but you know which one I’m talking about), or into those spindly fingers on the keyboard, may be taken with more than just a grain of salt.

Here is an example of a recent negative response to an article that I did concerning global warming (just so you know, I’m an un-supporter of anthropogenic global warming and its consequences and my professional background is the atmospheric sciences): “oh my f@#$ing god. there really are people out there who live in a fantasy land? check their sources, check their research, then reject it? you're one hell of a fool.” That’s it. That was the extent of their message…and perhaps vocabulary (or IQ…or sperm count…and the list goes on and on). Yes, their statements were short and sort of to the point…but so much of what they really wanted to say are missing.

If I were he or she (I can’t believe I just said that), here’s what I would have done to really “get me back.” First of all, I would have suckered me into actually reading and wanting to understand his/her point of view by actually using a few more rules of grammar than my six year old son does. It doesn’t have to be a lot, just a capital letter here and there…and maybe a complete sentence or two. When a person writes like the example in the previous paragraph, it reminds me of the seriously demented killer or kidnapper who pastes letters cut from a magazine onto a piece of paper to avoid identification (of course, sending the comment anonymously in the first place doesn’t show much in the way of backbone to begin with). Identify yourself. Not so that I can hunt you down, but so that I can respond to your statement or question with Dear “Xxxxx” instead of Dear Anonymous.

Next, there’s the use of the “f” word and all of its derivatives. Now, as curse words go, the “f” word is hands down my all time favorite and I’m glad to see that it must also be “their” curse word of choice too. But if you are really going to try and get me to read the rest of what you have to say and give it any consideration at all, you might try leaving it till the end of your rant. I think if you had put “f@#$ing” before “fool” (the last word of your short but sweet diatribe), it would have made for much better reading. I know I would have appreciated it. Also, be a bit more creative when you use the “f” word…or at least reuse a phrase that is a bit more inspired such as, “F@#$ you and the horse you rode in on!” It has some flair to it and it shows that deep down you really care enough to say it right. I could get into the whole “f@#$ing god” thing, but we’ll have to save that for a discussion of “your” religious psyche and fact that you apparently need to get laid (and the sooner the better).

“there really are people out there who live in a fantasy land?” I’m confused, is that a statement or a question? (See how I ended a question with a question mark?...I just did it again. And, I ended the previous statement with a period! And that last one with an exclamation point. I could go on forever, but I won’t.) Now, if he/she is saying that I must live in fantasy land…I only wish! Living amongst either the Disney characters or along side of Mr. Rourk and Tatoo (“Dee plane, dee plane.”) sounds like my kind of place. Still, where’s your proof that I live in fantasy land? And, if he/she is asking me if I live there…sadly, I don’t. But, I do get to endure the lively, interesting and thought provoking quips that “you” put forth….but in a bad way.

The next pseudo-sentence, “check their sources, check their research, then reject it?” is possibly in response to a suggestion that I made in one of my anti global warming articles (tongue and cheek I might add), that due to the complexities of the (psuedo) science of global warming, I suggested that “we” (the reader) do some additional research on the subject ourselves. Otherwise, you may just as well allow the global warming propaganda to become the gospel because the subject is complex enough that no body really wants to dig deep enough to debate the issue. The other possibility may point to this person being a poor researcher him(her)self in that if they re-check their own sources…re-check their own research…and find discrepancies…that there is no possible way they are going to reject their own research…even if it is bad or just plain wrong. They put it out there anyway and hope that nobody takes the time to dig far enough to see just how wrong they actually are. Plus, they already have the political and scientific (not to mention, monetary) support of all those in the same boat. It’s a relatively new (pseudo) science that environmentalists and politicians have adopted as a means to scare the hell out of us in order to get “other things” done. Good for them…very bad for science! Anyway, it’s just a thought…or opinion. If “they” would have actually taken the time to clarify their position and substantiate it…maybe I’d have to eat my words.

The last statement, “you’re one hell of a fool” is by far the most lucid thing that they had to say. Maybe I am a fool in some ways (I read and am currently responding to their idiotic response after all). Again, this is where I would have used the word “f@#$ing”…right before “fool”, but that’s just me. If “you” are out there and happen to read this response to your response, just think how lucky you are that I cared enough to take the time that I did to write more than 31 words…and with whole sentences, paragraphs and everything. So in wrapping this thing up…and again, because I care so much…I have just two more things to say to “you” if you come across this: Have a nice day. F@#$ you and the horse you rode in on!